Blog: One Voice

Domestic violence is everyone's business

05/09/2012

By Gayle Gatchalian, Program and Communications Associate


Uptown rush hour on the 6 train. I'm being jostled left and right and I'm trying to avoid eye contact with those around me, so my I let my eyes travel along the walls of the train car, taking in the (really clever) ads for Jameson Whisky, JetBlue, The Metropolitan College of New York and… a poster that reads "If you see something, say something." I don't think people usually have a favorite public service announcement, but I do. It's this one. It's short, pithy and to the point. But I like it for a deeper, one can say, cheesier reason. I like it because it tells me that I am part of a community. It tells me to care about those around me—that by taking care of others (i.e. saying something when I see something amiss in the train car), I take care of myself. New York City, indeed, all big cities are notorious for making people feel alone and alienated, but really, we only need to look around to realize we are in fact, the least alone in this city. We only feel alone because we shut ourselves in our iPods and avoid the gaze of the people around us (like I do) so we can pretend we don't see something wrong happening directly in front of us because that would mean interrupting our perfectly scheduled little lives to… what? To help. To be a part of something. One word to a fellow passenger who is perhaps equally stressed and harassed can be the connection that takes us from being lonely to being part of a community. And you know what? It could also be the word that spells safety.

 

NYC Domestic Violence Prevention Don't Mind Your Own BusinessI find this same logic behind the awesome new public awareness campaign called "Don't Mind Your Own Business." It's a public service announcement that asks all New Yorkers to be part of a community that doesn't tolerate domestic violence and speaks up when it does. It is being led by the folks at the New York City Council led by Speaker Christine Quinn, in partnership with Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly, Mayor's Office to Combat Domestic Violence Commissioner Yolanda B. Jimenez and CEO of NYC & Company George Fertitta. Said Speaker Quinn of the campaign: "We're asking all New Yorkers to come out of the shadows and 'Don't Mind Your Own Business', if they witness or know of domestic violence happening in their community. New Yorkers must know there are services they can turn to and seek help." This campaign involves displaying advertisements on bus shelters, phone kiosks and newsstands across the five boroughs in English, Spanish, and Russian, to reach out to as many people as possible and spread the message that each and everyone can, as Council Member Gale Brewer said, "save a life."

 

One of the most important lessons Day One's community education workshops imparts with young people is the concept of the responsible bystander. Responsible bystanders are those who, after being educated about the warning signs of abuse, where to get help and what to look out for in a healthy relationships, don't turn their backs when a friend, a family member or a stranger needs help.  Intervention doesn't have to be scary, risky or dangerous. NOT intervening, however, is scary, risky and dangerous for the person being abused.

 

A great line from Police Commissioner Kelly sums it up: "Silence is an accomplice of domestic violence." The message is clear—if you mind your own business, sure you don't get your hands dirty but you are helping perpetuate the violence. And if you don't mind your own business? Well New Yorker, you make New York City safer for everyone. 

 

Categories: Voices

Over it

05/07/2012

By Lauren Kranson, Social Work Intern

 

On April 20th, Day One's support group for young survivors of dating violence went to see a performance of Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, of which Day One was one of the beneficiaries.  For all eight of the young women (age 15-23), this was their first time seeing this play. For some it was the first time having heard of it; for others it was the first time going to see a live performance in general.

 

If you haven't heard of The Vagina Monologues, it is an award-winning play first performed in 1994 by playwright and activist Eve Ensler. "Based on dozens of interviews Ensler conducted with women, the play addressed women's sexuality and the social stigma surrounding rape and abuse, creating a new conversation about and with women. The Vagina Monologues ran Off-Broadway for five years in New York and then toured the United States. After every performance, Ensler found women waiting to share their own stories of survival, leading her to see that The Vagina Monologues could be more than a moving work of art on violence; she divined that the performances could be a mechanism for moving people to act to end violence." (Source: vday.org)

 

Over It! is part of VDayAs we left the theater, and in the days that followed, group members spoke of the parts of the play that they liked the best, and the pieces that they found most memorable. The last monologue of the night, titled "Over it," was the one that everyone seemed to mention. This piece was not really a monologue at all--the only piece where all members of the cast performed and spoke together. The actors collectively declare that they are "over" rape, "over" violence towards women, "over" the culture of victim-blaming, exploitation and dominance, and "over" other people's silence and unresponsiveness about it. In many ways this piece was not only a declaration, but also a call to action.

 

Members of the group said that they found the collective voices and collective strength embodied in that moment of the play incredibly moving and powerful.

 

The young women in the group had originally come to Day One as individuals, each facing and processing their abuse and survival separately and in their own ways. It seems that many of the reasons that the "Over It" performance resonated so deeply with them was because it mirrored their own experiences of joining this group.  It was through sharing their stories, making connections between their experiences, voicing out loud their anger, sadness, confusion and laughter, that they discovered newfound strengths, confidence and power in themselves and each other as a group. It is as a group that they start to see and imagine what they are capable of accomplishing together. It is within a group that they can find the support, space and confidence to assert loudly that they too are "over" things in their lives and in society that systemically oppress and act against them.

 

The young women in this group have actively begun thinking and exploring what this piece means to them and what it is calling them to do.  They have been impacted by this piece—but how will it impact you? What are the things in your life or society that you are silently accepting? What are you too "over," and what are you going to do about it?

 

You can read the text of "Over It" here. 

 

You can learn more about the VDay movement to end violence against women and find out ways you can participate at vday.org.

 

Categories: Voices

Teen Dating Abuse in the News: NYC Council to fund anti-sexual harassment app

05/04/2012

In the Headlines

New York City Council approves funding to develop an anti-sexual harassment smartphone app. $20,000 in city funding has been approved for development of a mobile-phone application to fight sexual harassment on the streets and subways. It will be developed by the creators of hollabacknyc.com, a website that asks people to use camera phones to take a photo or video of harassment and post it online. Award-winning dating violence prevention smartphone app "Circle of 6" continues to gain popularity. 

 

 

Legal Matters

Co-sponsor of Violence Against Women Act reauthorization to add provision that addresses teen dating violence. According to the office of Rhode Island senator Sheldon Whitehouse, the senator is proposing a provision in the Violence Against Women Act that would address teen dating violence. It would establish a new grant program for youth domestic violence education and support programs to train youth mentors. The Senate version of VAWApreserved the Republican-contested protections for LGBT victims. The US Attorney General lauded the Senate's passage of the bill. A columnist argues that "failure to pass the Senate version of VAWA sends a message that in 21st century America, it's OK to violently beat and abuse certain groups of people." The Washington Post urges passage of VAWA, saying bipartisan support should not "fall prey to presidential politics and the increasing stridency concerning which party best represents women's issues."

 

 

Research

Research from the National Institute of Justice suggests that victims of stalking may also face economic instability.  A study from the National Institute of Justice found that victims have been unable to take advantage of employment opportunities and to work productively due to stalking.  Research also illustrates the costs to society of intimate partner stalking, estimating an amount of $343 million in 2003 for lost productivity and mental health care needed.

 

 

Opinion

A columnist tells parents to be aware of dating violence, especially for girls and young women. "Parents, dating violence exists! Make positively sure you discuss this possibility with your daughter. Open and honest parent and teen discussions are very important for your daughter's safety."

 

 

Events

Dating violence education initiatives are occurring across the country. An Oregon youth services coordinator helped high school students understand the cycle of abuse and how to better support victims.  A West Virginia middle school pilots a teen dating violence education and prevention program. An Idaho organization complements their dating abuse education initiatives with contests and events. A Wisconsin county features dating violence in their community forums. A Florida survivor's college service project educates teens about dating violence. A California university partners with local police to educate teens and community about bullying and dating abuse. A Georgia county task force highlights teen dating abuse in a community seminar.

Read More...

 

Categories: News

Spring time, knowledge blooms

04/30/2012

As the Community Educator, I get to travel all over NYC and teach young people about dating violence and healthy relationships. My lessons serve to plant a seed in the young people that are engaged through our curriculum. My hope is that this seed will blossom into healthy relationship choices, safe love, and compassion for folks experiencing abuse. But I don't always get to reap the benefits of seeing how our lessons impact the lives of young people. That's the thing about preventative education, if you do your job right, you'll prevent things, and it's really hard to measure things that didn't happen.

 

But every now and then, there are moments in the classroom where I can see the growth and shift happen right before my eyes. It is these moments that keep me grounded in the powerful mind shifting work that I do.

 

Community EducationYesterday I was in a school in the Lower East Side. I was wrapping up the lesson and talking about "Victim-blaming" or the way that we often think the person responsible for the abuse is the victim/survivor. At one point I said, "Think about it. In our society, most of the time, people tell women to prevent getting raped by dressing a certain way, not traveling alone at night, not drinking too much, etc. But no one ever says to people 'Don't rape!" The class laughed and one young woman quickly exclaimed "OMG I never thought of it in that way!!!" It was so evident that the example I presented had helped her understand why the responsibility of not being abused (or raped) should NOT be on the person experiencing the abuse. And as such, blame for the abuse should not be placed on this person as well.

 

After this, I reminded the class that Day One is an excellent resource for young people that may be experiencing abuse. And that if they ever know someone that is in an abusive relationship to please tell them about us, and to remember not to blame them for the abuse. Applause filled the room. I silently gathered my materials as the students walked out, and then left the classroom with a deep smile on my face. 

 

Categories: Voices

Thank you, VDay Downtown Brooklyn!

04/23/2012

Day One would like to thank VDay Downtown Brooklyn director Briar Herrera-Ludewig and her team for the wonderful set of performance held at the Brooklyn Musical School this past weekend! They raised over $1,000 and Day One is honored to be the beneficiary of this wonderful activist group!

 

 

Categories: Events

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